We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So vagazzling was a success
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