Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
