am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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