i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
