Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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