This girl is more easily done than said...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
