Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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