there was a trapeze. enough said
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
