The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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