At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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