I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
