my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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