Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
