God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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