Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
