Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
