So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
