hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
