I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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