Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
