SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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