It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
