WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
