I wannas sexs uuuuu
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
