I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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