I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
