What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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