They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize