I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
