So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
