yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
