If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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