the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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