i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
