Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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