I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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