He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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