Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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