You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
