yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
