All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
