Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
