Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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