My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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