I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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