Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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