mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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