My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
