She is in my trunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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