She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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