Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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