Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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