So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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