God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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