Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
