Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
