I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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