id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
