So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize