Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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