you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
