I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
