And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
