In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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